One of my first jobs after moving to Alberta was working as a mental health therapist in a rural public health clinic in Westlock.
My colleagues and I would often consult on how we could better support our clients, which was one of the things I valued the most about working there and that I carried with me when I left the organization.
One tool that often came up often in these conversations was the gratitude journal; clients would be encouraged to keep a book in which they would record things they were grateful for.
Although I never openly said this during our team meetings, I was very skeptical of gratitude journals at the time. They felt overly simplistic to me. I remember thinking: surely our clients were already aware of the good things they had in their lives, but that was obviously not enough to curb their suffering.
Part of me also wondered this bordered on toxic positivity, as though we were telling ourselves to look away from our pain while it was still very much present. And to focus on what exactly? Things/relationships that others around us also seemed to have, perhaps in greater abundance or “better” versions?
Did I mention that I was in a pretty dark place myself back then?
It wasn’t until much later that I began to truly understand the power of gratitude. And when I speak about gratitude now, I do not mean the kind I once associated with the concept: a surface-level awareness, a generic list of positives in our lives that rolls off our tongues but never truly reaches our hearts.
Rather, I am referring to the type of gratitude that we feel genuinely at our core, AND that does not involve invalidating the emotional pain we are going through.
Interestingly, some of the latest research about gratitude reflects this very idea:
gratitude is usually effective when it is deeply realistic and honest.
This is consistent with my clinical observation, which is why I am a stickler for ensuring that when we work on shifting negative thoughts, for example, clients always feel 100% about positive alternatives.
gratitude helps to gradually improve well-being, especially when practiced consistently.
Narrated `Ali bin Abi Talib:
Fatima came to the Prophet (ﷺ) asking for a servant. He said, “May I inform you of something better than that? When you go to bed, recite “Subhan Allah’ thirty three times, ‘Al hamduli l-lah’ thirty three times, and ‘Allahu Akbar’ thirty four times. `Ali added, ‘I have never failed to recite it ever since.” Somebody asked, “Even on the night of the battle of Siffin?” He said, “Even on the night of the battle of Siffin.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari 5362)
I often encourage clients to think of something specific whenever they say “Alhamdulillah” or engage in other forms of dhikr, so that these words are not meerly spoken, but truly felt.
gratitude works when it is not used to suppress suffering, but rather to acknowledge that hardship and goodness often coexist: “I had a hard time this week, and I also experienced moments of ease, kindness or rest.”
So, surely with hardship comes ease. (Qur’an 94:5)
Although that can be much easier said than done (and I say that from positive experience), I also find that gratitude is most effective when we remove comparison from the equation: while others may appear to have more or “better” versions of what we possess, it is often more beneficial to ask ourselves: Is what I have enough? And does it bring goodness to my life?
If what I have said is correct, it is from Allah ﷻ; and if it is wrong, then it is from myself and Shayṭān.
As Salaam Aleykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatouh.