I was almost 30 years old when I took my shahada almost eleven years ago, Alhamdulillah.
Although I had felt drawn to Islam since childhood, I was also exposed to many negative narratives about Muslims and the Deen growing up. As a result, I had a great deal of unlearning to do, both pre- and post-shahada, by seeking knowledge about Islam from authentic sources.
Some of the negative rhetoric we encounter about Islam is explicit, such as media headlines that associate Islam with terrorism.
Other messages are more subtle. These implicit criticisms are often more harmful because we can absorb and even believe them, without realizing it. An example of these would be the message that secular perspectives on different topics are ‘neutral’, ‘objective’, or inherently ‘logical’, while an Islamic lens is viewed as ‘biased’. This denies the fact that secular perspectives are also grounded in a set of ideologies and are, in actuality, subjective. As Muslims, we know that, conversely, Islam comes from Allah ﷻ and is therefore the only framework that is completely true and reliable.
In a similar way, the negative thoughts we have about ourselves often develop from explicit and implicit false narratives that we have been exposed to and internalize, often starting early in life.
Sometimes, our negative self-talk is an echo of the hurtful words others have used to talk to or describe us.
At other times, negative self-talk results from non-verbal rather than verbal messages. We come to believe that we are not good enough, unworthy, or incapable, because we are treated as such.
Alhamdulillah, just as false beliefs about Islam can be unlearned, so can false beliefs about ourselves.
One technique that can help with this process (and there are a lot) is called “examine the evidence”. It resembles the way we would approach unlearning false beliefs about Islam, as it involves, amongst other things, seeking reliable information.
When we use “examine the evidence”, we gather evidence for and against our negative thoughts.
For instance, if we’ve been telling ourselves that we are “not good enough”, what evidence do we have to actually support this statement? And I need to specify that by “evidence”, I mean the kind that would stand up in a court of law, not feelings, assumptions, subjective opinions, or hearsay, but objective facts.
Next, we look for evidence against the thought. What concrete proof do we have that we are, in fact, capable, valuable, good enough?
When we compare both sides, we may discover that the evidence supporting our negative thought is weak or non-existent, while the evidence against it is much stronger, which would mean that the thought is not an actual reflection of reality (If this is not the conclusion we come to at the end of this exercise, ‘examine the evidence’ is simply not the right technique, and there many others we can try instead).
To conclude this method, we would then think of an alternative to our negative thought that provides a more truthful and balanced understanding of ourselves based on actual evidence.
If what I have said is correct, it is from Allah ﷻ; and if it is wrong, then it is from myself and Shayṭān.
Assalaam Aleykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatouh.